“I don’t want to do this,” I wailed, sitting on the sofa of the vacation rental house.
At that time, we were in Greenbackville ( Greenbackville ), a small town along the coast of Virginia with a population of less than 500 people. I was exhausted due to jet lag and trying to get my 5-year-old child to sleep. During the hunting season, we would be awakened every morning by gunshots. When I cried, my husband would sit beside me, holding my hand and letting me cry it out.
Before that, we had lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, which is over 2,000 miles to the west, for more than 7 years, in the ideal southwestern home we dreamed of. I finally found friends there, my favorite restaurants, the rhythm of seasonal changes, schools, and suitable playmates for my children.
At the beginning of January 2024, my husband had been looking for a new job for two years. When he first started looking, I hadn't yet settled down in New Mexico, and I felt like I wanted to leave. I missed the grasslands, the thunderstorms, and the feeling of sweating. I longed to sweat all over my body, not just under my armpits. I thought I wanted to live somewhere that my family could reach by car. But later on, making trips back and forth to visit everyone became increasingly unrealistic.
We packed our entire lives for his new job.
My husband works in middle management, but he feels that he doesn't have a sense of achievement. However, he is able to come home for dinner every evening, and three days a week he takes our children to preschool. Back then, we took all of these things for granted.
He hoped to feel excited every day when he went to work. Later, he found a position on the east coast of Virginia. The task manager ( mission manager ) was the person who said "Ready to launch" before pressing that big button. It was a dream he had since before puberty. I agreed, after all, it was NASA. But his dream immediately meant that I would have to pack our lives into boxes and leave the community we had built in Albuquerque, as well as our daily routine and school. I was happy for him, but at the same time, I felt overwhelmed and sad about everything I was losing.
I want to support his dream career.
I don't know since when, but I've been instilled with the notion that to be a good partner, one must make sacrifices. I told myself that it would also be beneficial for me. But when I sat on that sofa crying while he held my hand, I realized that I was trading my own needs for his ideals.
The moving process was a complete mess. We had no choice but to put our belongings in a warehouse first. We lived separately for six weeks. Then we had to find a furnished rental property that allowed dogs and cats. After that, we still needed to find a long-term place to live. I also had to find new homes for over 100 potted plants. The whole experience was very stressful.
As the process progressed, the community in New Mexico stepped forward to help me. They helped me pack my belongings, drove my 5-year-old child to preschool, arranged play activities for them, and even brought over pasta for dinner.
While my husband is at work, immersed among those intelligent people and the cause of space exploration, I drive past rows of chicken farms and farmland planted with crops to feed those farms. I hate the smell there, as well as the vultures that circle above the factories, because I know what goes on inside.
A week after moving into that furnished rental apartment, I realized I couldn’t continue living there. It was over 45 minutes’ drive from both a large grocery store and a café. This place wasn’t suitable for me to raise a child or carry out my daily life. While he was lost in his scientific dreams, I felt like I was losing myself.
His job was cut.
I did not continue to push for this issue, as soon after, external factors began to affect the federal positions. The author writes that after the change of the federal government administration in mid-January 2024, DOGE was established, and federal agencies were immediately cut back. By that summer, this location was included in the downsizing plan, with a reduction of over 80%. When this news became public, I felt both overwhelming guilt and a sense of relief. I was heartbroken for him; his career path was brutally taken away without any fault on his part. But at the same time, this also saved our relationship. It spared us from having to make a choice between his career and my daily happiness.
After he finished working on NASA, we stayed in Greenbackville until our lease expired. We considered moving back to Albuquerque or to a place closer to our family in the northeast, but we never found a clear direction. So we decided to leave Greenbackville and move into a RV to explore the next stage of life for our family.
Author: Stacie Jaynes. Source: Business Insider.
